Relationships are hard, I suck at them. It’s true. I’m not gonna lie. The relationships I’m referring to are the romantic intimate ones, especially the soulmates. You know the ones I’m talking about: you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. One moment it’s all lovey dovey and the next you are breathing fire from your mouth singeing off their eyebrows.  What I have come to learn is that soulmate relationships are there to make you grow, not to make you happy.

Does “happily ever after” exist? After this last go about I don’t believe it does. I think it’s a detrimental societal program that keeps us in an eternal disenchanting search for happiness outside of ourselves. I lost my fairy-tale virginity this year and finally grew up. Don’t feel sad for me, really, rejoice, it’s a good day! That “always looking for the ONE” to make you happy is a serious Debbie downer and keeps you in the mind loop of unending dissatisfaction and unfulfillment. The true love that you, we, are all in search of is within us- it is us. We are the LOVE we’ve been looking for. And deep down we all know that to be true.

Until we find that love, the Beloved within, we will never be satisfied or content with another; because ultimately it’s not about the “other,” it’s always about us. Our level of happiness is dependent on how happy we have become within ourselves. We cannot ever source our happiness from another. It will only leave us disappointed and blaming the other for all our problems.

I have learned a lot about myself from my past relationships. If you read my memoir, Fearless Freedom Becoming SoulFire, you know of the heartbreaking painful experiences I have had. However, that one little mantra:  “Get better, not bitter,” was my saving grace. Even though in the “societal sense” the relationship didn’t last or failed, what I took from each one helped me heal a broken fragmented part of me and regain my wholeness.

By giving up the fairy-tale of happily ever after I’m much more at peace. I can relax and actually start to enjoy myself. I know my whole divine purpose in this incarnation is to evolve within my own inner being to my highest divine essence and in turn share my life with humanity for healing and awakening. My incarnation isn’t about relationships and family, and that’s ok. That’s not to say I’m not open to meeting and having relationships, but I am not fixated on the ONE anymore.

That only took me 52 years to come to this insight. I’m a late bloomer, what can I say!

This last soulmate/twin flame relationship I had here in Hawaii was the catalyst in my latest and greatest rebirth. He was the main player in my new found understanding of BEING the LOVE I am looking for. It is not easy to let someone go that you love and care about very deeply. It is excruciating to be honest; it’s like tearing off one of your limbs slowly and a detoxing of the heart at the same time.  Now I know what the line from the poem, The Invitation, means: “Can you betray another to be true to yourself?” It’s just as brutal to the heart as being the one being left behind.

However, my higher self knew deep down that I had to, for my soul’s survival. At this moment in time we are not a vibrational match anymore and it was hindering my spiritual progress, evolution and whole point of existence- kind of a big deal. That is not to say in the future we can’t be reunited, but it all depends on our journeys and if we are in alignment vibrationally. Not all soulmates are meant to last forever. The good thing is that we were reunited in this lifetime and had a beautiful and bountiful experience together. Even with the heartbreak of the separation now,I would not have done anything differently. I also have to be conscious that not everyone is on the fast track to spiritual enlightenment like I am, and to honor each person’s journey. I cannot force or rob another of theirs.

So alone again, naturally, but it’s okay. I’m gradually getting better, not bitter and my heart is slowly mending again.  I’m inspired to complete Sunflower Two with the main theme of what I have learned from this last soulmate relationship:What does it mean to be your own Beloved?

I have so much to share with you since the publishing of Fearless Freedom, which feels like a lifetime ago. Moving to Hawaii has been a bumpy, roller coaster ride, but worth every second. Growing is not easy, I guess that’s where the term: “growing pains” comes from.

I am excited to share my next becoming with you from the sacred land of Lemuria. Look for Sunflower Two this year 2021!

Blessings of the most high!

A hui a hou!